i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize
