Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
