I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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