I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize