Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Randomize
