no, he came in my armpit
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
