Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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