this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
How's work?
Spinning.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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