Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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