This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
