Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
