I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
