I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
