I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
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