did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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