ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
