we have officially lost it.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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