Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
