Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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