I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
