I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
