clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
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