just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
