I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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