i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
