So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
