If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
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Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
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It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
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