cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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