I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize