I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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