before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
