part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
