i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Randomize
