he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
