Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
