I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
