My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
