OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
