everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
