I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
there is glitter all over my balls
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
