I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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