Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
