So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
