I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
