This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hippo gnu deer
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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