And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
