Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
The Olympian is in my bed
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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