also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
