Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
