we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
