just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Found your dick twin last night
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
