You're so nebulous sometimes
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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