i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Randomize
