Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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