i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
