she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
