I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
