Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
