It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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