I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
she pinky promised me she was 18
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
