I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
