The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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