You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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