Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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