I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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