Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
