i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
