ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
