last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
