The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
