my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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