Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
