apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
