I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
