why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
