areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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