So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Sext me about skeletons
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
