Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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