I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
