it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
