So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
