her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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