Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
