I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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